Embracing Change

The only thing in life that is guaranteed is change. We’ve all heard it before. Change is inevitable and, girlfriend, it does not discriminate. Change can feel really amazing, or it can feel utterly devastating. Being a therapist, it’s so fascinating seeing all the different kinds of change a woman can experience over her lifespan, and what an honor it is to walk alongside them as they navigate their next steps. Change also comes with choices- some that are clear and easy, others that seem impossible. And let’s not forget that change doesn’t only impact that person it is meant for, but it also affects those who are in their world. Let’s first dive in to what change looks like: the good and the no-so-good. The slow and the abrupt change.

Good Change: Slow

First few things that come to mind are pregnancy, watching a child grow, losing weight, training for a marathon, being in school, growing in a serious relationship. Depending on how you view aging, looking in the mirror and seeing gray hair and a few wrinkles could also land in this category (me!). These kinds of change happen as easy as it is to breathe and without thought. Time passes and you realize that change has happened, and you notice how that change feels in this organic, new version of you. 

Good Change: Abrupt

Being summer, I can’t help but first think of all the teenage girls graduating from high school. If you’re an adult and reading this, think back to when you graduated high school. What do you remember feeling? Were you excited? Anxious? Ready to get the heck outta dodge? Even though the anticipation could fall into the slow change department, the day of graduation is when the current chapter closes and the page flips to a blank chapter, ready for life to start filling its pages. I think about wedding days, job promotions, buying a new house or having a baby. All of these come with slow change ahead of it, but as soon as the big day arrives, it’s on to the next thing.

And then there’s the no-so-good change. Again, lets break it down into slow and abrupt.

Not-So-Good Change: Slow

Slow change in this category could look like the symptoms of depression accumulating. The affects of procrastination starting to bite you. Maybe it’s navigating infertility or adjusting to life after loss. Maybe you and your partner are arguing more and more and one day you realize you haven’t slept in the same bed in months. Maybe you’ve lost yourself and look in the mirror and don’t recognize the person looking back at you. Maybe you scroll through your social media and see a post from a friend that used to be close, and realize you haven’t spoken in a year. Time has gotten the best of you and you have no clue where that time went. 

Not-So-Good Change: Abrupt

Abrupt, not-so-good change can feel traumatic. Like a train has hit you head on. Maybe you got fired from your job, didn’t make the team, just got told some really hard health news, or you went for an ultrasound and didn’t hear a heartbeat. This kind of change is earth-shattering and insanely confusing to navigate out the gate. It can feel impossible, helpless, and incredibly overwhelming- to name a few. 

So as you take a deep breath and reflect on your life and where change has been at work, what do you notice? Are you feeling encouraged and excited by how your world is changing or are you feeling some harder emotions about it? Sadness, guilt, grief, isolation? Maybe this is the first time you’re noticing that change has even been happening in an area of your life. Do you feel lost or feel like you’re up a creek without a paddle? Regardless of whether that change has been fast or slow, good or bad- I invite you to engage in a little activity inspired by people who truly understand the power of change with the element of acceptance. You can do this on your own, with a friend or partner, maybe in a group at school. No matter how you choose to explore the answers to these simple questions, I encourage you to write them down so you can revisit them later on when change has hit again. 

This activity is based off of the Serenity Prayer, which sounds like this:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Just for today.

Questions:

What are some things in your life that you lack control of? What does that lack of control feel like for you (emotionally, physically)?

What are some things in your life that you haven’t accepted? Why? Any obstacles worth naming?

What are the things you have the ability to change? Are they easy? Difficult? 

What is keeping you from letting go of things you can’t change?

Although simple, these are some powerful questions that throw a major punch at your quality of life. The way you see the world. Your capacity to embrace change. Your ability to be resilient. The wise people in Alcoholics Anonymous added the small line at the end of the Serenity Prayer… just for today. The ability to accept the things you can’t change, while also building courage to change the things you can is a slow burn- a daily choice. I encourage you to follow those in recovery’s lead and lean into the power of today. How can I answer these questions and commit to action for today and today only? And what support can I put in place to walk with me along the way?