Cultivating Gratitude in the Midst of Grief

Thanksgiving is all about, well, giving thanks. But what if you're wading through a season of grief? Maybe you've just finished another unsuccessful egg retrieval or you've had yet another negative test. Maybe you got the positive, saw your little bean, only to experience loss just a few weeks later. 

Cultivating gratitude in the midst of grief sounds impossible. And sometimes, you need to sit in your grief, experience the pain, and allow yourself to mourn. Please hear that you have permission to skip out this year. You have permission to pass on the gratefulness platter. Be kind to yourself. 

But if you are feeling ready to taste the lighter side of life, here are a few simple ways you can practice gratitude while you grieve. 

1. Start small. 

Begin your day focusing on the little things you are thankful for. A hot cup of coffee in your favorite mug. Your furry friends' tail wagging to greet you after work. A good hair day. Write these down if you can. Add to your list throughout the day, and go over your list at the end of the day.

2. Laugh. 

Watch a favorite comedy. Reminisce with a friend about funny memories. Look up silly jokes. It might feel foreign to laugh, but laughter truly is medicine to your soul. 

3. Phone a friend. 

Call that friend who has been a rockstar at loving you. Tell them how much you've appreciated their nonjudgmental, unwavering support. 

4. Acknowledge victories. 

Shifting your perspective is hard when it seems there have been so many hits, but research supports that how you think affects what you believe and how you behave. Think through your specific journey and highlight the victories along the way. Maybe it's the empathy you've gained for others or the emotional growth you've experienced. Or maybe it's that you've widened your network of TTC sisterhood.

5. Give back. 

Find ways to practice acts of kindness. Channeling your grief into action allows you to find purpose. Maybe this looks like paying it forward in the drive through or donating to a like-minded cause. It can even be something as simple as complimenting a stranger. 

Remember that it's okay to hold grief and gratitude together. Practicing gratitude doesn't disqualify your grief. Being thankful doesn't mean you are forgetting your beloved baby or that you are enjoying every prick, prod and shot. You can be grateful and grieve at the same time. 

Gratitude is an emotional muscle. It might be painful to 'exercise', but the more you practice it, the stronger it gets.

May your days be bright with warmth and gratitude. May your heart hurt in the ways it needs to, but leaves room for life's little joys along the way.